Years Go By
by fatalfang
Summary: As Merlin & Arthur end up in a pretty bad situation, something magical happens. What was the meaning of it all in the first place and what turn will their relationship take after the incident?
1. Come With Me Where The Magic Is

1. Come with me where the magic is {prologue}

Merlin was panting so heavily he was sure he couldn't soon breathe at all anymore. Arthur beside him wasn't any better, his breathing was quick and shallow as they kept running through the grim woods. The reason that kept their legs still moving, even though they felt like lead already, was a quite massive army of bandits chasing them. And, as Merlin and Arthur were alone without any Camelot knights with them, their best chance was to run or they would most definitely be killed.

"Here!" Arthur called out to Merlin as he spotted a potential hiding place to their left, a small cave that wasn't too easy to see behind the trees. They both dived in and tried to calm their breaths so they wouldn't be heard as the bandits came running only seconds after them. Luckily no one saw them so after a while they slowly crawled out of the small hole they were packed in and cleaned their clothes with their hands.

"Phew, that was a close one!" Merlin said huffing out loud. Arthur was just commenting back, but he didn't have time to even open his mouth when there was a loud yelling and they saw the bandits all around them. They were in a trap! Arthur pushed Merlin back as to make sure he was safe and took his sword from his belt. There was no other choice but to fight, even though there was practically no chance to survive out of this. There were about 20 bandits against Arthur, Merlin being somewhat useless because he didn't even have a sword with him.

First bandits were already running towards Arthur and with a few nicely done and well practiced movements he had got them down and killed them with a quick swing of his sword. But already more bandits were running to them, swords shining in the last rays of the setting sun. Merlin was standing helpless against the cave they had been hiding in, he couldn't do anything without a weapon so he just had to rely both of their lives on Arthur's hands. But then he saw one bandit coming from sideways that Arthur couldn't see, and before the bandit could pierce his sword through Arthur, Merlin was running there to save him.

"NOOOOO!" was the only thing Arthur heard, as Merlin rushed with all his bodyweight against the bandit, pushing him so hard that he fell on the ground. But then several things happened at the same time, as Merlin had saved Arthur from certain death. As Arthur had lost his concentration for few seconds, the bandit fighting against him had the opportunity to strike his sword out of his hands, making Arthur totally defenceless. And when Merlin had pushed the one bandit down and took his sword and killed him, one of the bandits farther away had loaded his bow and aimed for Merlin who now dropped down with an arrow on his right arm. Although Arthur had killed most of the bandits already, there were still too many to fight bare hands and wounded Merlin on the ground, so this was pretty much it, they would die.

Arthur too dropped on his knees showing they would surrender, but he knew better than that and was just waiting for the final blow from the bandits to end their misery. He couldn't bear to see Merlin in so much pain and that already killed him inside. And right then he could see without even moving his head how the man next to him raised his sword for the killing strike, laughing out loud because he could be the one to kill the King of Camelot. But the final blow never came and Arthur wasn't sure what happened next. He only heard Merlin saying "No." quietly and the next thing he knew was that all the remaining bandits were flying in every direction, ending up at least unconscious or dead.

Merlin was now almost unconscious too, sweaty and muddy and in so much pain, the arrow still sticking up from his upper arm. He fell on the ground and more felt than saw Arthur moving next to him. He tried to open his eyes to look at Arthur, but he couldn't see a thing because his eyes were too watery. And then he was unconscious and he had no idea if he had died or if Arthur left him there to die.

_In The Dark by Sonata Arctica_

**youtu. be/0Ygey1KRt4I**

I'm from where the magic is  
I'll give you what I cannot take away with me  
And the sunlit day and moon  
I wanna have a silent kiss, I wanna make you mine,  
I'm thinking how... can't leave me now  
Stay with me somehow

You come from where the fire is, you give me what you couldn't burn the last time  
One sunless day and moon  
I wanna be so close to you, see whatever scars you carry within your broken heart,  
Mine's your missing heart

Come with me, where the magic is, there's more than light we could share  
We could join the sun and moon if you want to

Be my lifeline for this lifetime, suffer in pleasure forever and ever  
I'd like to see how the walls around your heart will fall apart...  
Stop resisting, let the light in, suffer in pleasure forever and ever  
...for this one lifetime

Let me take you where the magic is, back in time,  
Remember the light, of the cold December moon

I wanna have a silent kiss, I wanna make you mine,  
I'm thinking you can't leave me now  
Stay with me somehow  
Stay with me somehow  
Come with me where the magic is, there is more than light we can share  
We could own the sun and moon

Be my lifeline for this lifetime, suffer in pleasure forever and ever  
I'd like to see how the walls around your heart will fall apart..  
Stop resisting, let the light in, suffer in pleasure forever and ever... for this one lifetime  
Be my lifeline for this lifetime, suffer in pleasure forever and ever  
Stop resisting let the light in... oh, oh... for this one lifetime

I am feeling your face in the dark  
I'm hearing you breathe in the dark  
I am tasting your lips in the dark  
I'm holding you close in the dark

I'll take you where the magic is  
I'll give you everything I only can offer  
You can have my broken midnight moon  
If you give me your broken heart  
And I will give you something real and golden.  
We can make this life the finest art...

I come from where the magic is  
I'd give you what I could take away with me  
And a sunlit day and moon  
I wanna have a silent kiss I wanna make you mine,  
I'm thinking you can't leave me now  
Stay with me somehow

I am feeling your face in the dark  
I'm hearing you breathe in the dark  
I am tasting your lips in the dark  
I'm holding you close in the dark


	2. We're The Last Of The Heroes

2. We're the last of the heroes

"Merlin! What the hell is this?" Arthur shouted out loud clearly annoyed and shocked to see his chambers in such a mess after he opened the door. There were water buckets, brushes and towels on the floor, his clothes were scattered everywhere and Merlin was standing in the middle of it all holding a piece of his armor which he was just polishing.

"I, uh, tripped over and.. Yeah." Merlin stammered avoiding eye contact, shrugging helplessly and starting to quickly gather everything back in their place. "Tripped over? Same old clumsy idiot!" Arthur huffed and rolled his eyes still annoyed, but Merlin could hear through the tone that he wasn't angry with him, not really. Arthur just had this habit of mocking Merlin for the tiniest reasons, but he did it with affection. He would never admit it, but he cared a lot about his clumsy servant and Merlin knew that, because he cared about his prattish King the same way.

As Merlin kept cleaning the mess he just had to smile secretly. The truth is, all that mess in the room was because of his magic which he had used a little bit carelessly just a moment ago. But it was so much fun! He had felt like an important leader, making the floor to clean up for itself and making the clothes flying around the room on their right places only with simple movements of his hands and some quiet murmurs. Of course it had been stupid and Gaius would've killed him if he'd known. Luckily Merlin had heard Arthur's footsteps early enough and had the time to stop everything and get his magic back under control before he entered.

Even though Arthur had been the King of Camelot for a while now and wasn't as strict with rules as his father had been, magic was still banned in Camelot and anyone who practiced it would be put to death. Merlin wanted nothing else more than to be free to tell everybody about his magic, but that wouldn't happen anytime soon. Arthur was stubborn and it seemed there was no way to convince him that not all magic was for bad. So after so many years serving Arthur, Merlin still had to keep his secret safe with him and try to only use magic when no one saw him.

Merlin was just drying the last water stain on the floor when there was firm knock on the door and Arthur came out behind the screen where he was just changing clothes. "Come in!" He called and soon the door was open and revealed one of the Camelot guards' face.

"Sire, excuse me, Sire, but I was sent to tell you that you are needed in the throne room. There is something urgent you need to hear, Sire." And the guard nodded politely and vanished again.

"Great, just great. What is free time anyway?" Arthur huffed, but didn't see Merlin rolling his eyes for him. "Yeah, well better not ask me that question…" Merlin muttered under his breath and pushed the bucket from his hands in the nearest cupboard and ran after Arthur.

The throne room was already full of people. There were many townspeople, some of them looking quite frightened. Also many knights were there and Gaius was standing near the throne looking worried. Everybody went silent as Arthur marched in and sit on the throne, watching questioningly from a pair of eye to another.

"What's the matter?" He asked and not a moment later one of the townspeople, skinny man with a beard, stepped ahead and spoke.

"Sire, we are here to tell you about a group of bandits that have been harassing people near Camelot. It's not safe to go hunting or collect berries and mushrooms anymore. We are going to starve if we can't use the forest to get food for us and the bandits have also robbed many of us already in the woods. Today one fellow was killed because of these monsters, we have to do something Sire."

The man was visibly shaking at the end of his story, but Arthur wasn't sure what was the cause of it. Clearly the matter in hand was something that needed immediate actions, so he told Merlin to get their horses ready.

Before an hour had passed Arthur and Merlin were galloping with their horses into the woods of Camelot, a group of knights following behind them. They were wandering everywhere, but the only sign of bandits they saw was an old campfire that didn't help them a bit. As the sun was already starting to set, they decided it was better to turn back and try again the next day.

The group had only traveled few miles, when suddenly they heard a thunder above them, followed by huge lightnings that ripped through the sky.

"What's happening!" Arthur yelled when they were suddenly totally soaked as the sky opened and heavy rain whipped them hard. In mere minutes the storm had wrapped them inside and the horses were bouncing everywhere in panic.

"Get down - from the horse - Merlin!" Arthur yelled disjointedly as the rain was pouring down horizontal way because of the raging wind. Merlin jumped quickly down and the next thing he knew was that he was sitting in the ground looking at his horse running away, followed by Arthur's horse.

"Arthur!" Merlin cried out, but in the same second realized Arthur standing against a tree nearby, panting and holding his hand. Merlin rushed to see if he was okay, but Arthur just grabbed his arm and pulled them under a big thick bush.

They were suddenly all alone, they couldn't see any knights, no horses, nothing anymore. In about ten minutes the sunny woods had turned into a black, scary, thundering havoc.

"What the hell just happened, Merlin?" Arthur asked his voice shaking a little because of the abruptly chilly air.

"I have no idea, but it was like magic. I'm not sure if that kind of thunderstorms are normal." Merlin said, flinching when a lightning hit tree not far away from them. He could feel Arthur's strong arm grab his waist instinctively, but he didn't complain. Quite the opposite actually, Merlin loved Arthur's touch as he was trying to protect him (and he did that often.)

After what seemed like an eternity, but was really about an hour, the storm finally calmed down and they could see the clouds retreat, letting the sun rays hit the forest ground again. They were both shaking as their clothes were totally wet, but they had no other choice than to start walking back towards Camelot.

"Well that was something totally new. I've never seen a storm develop so fast before." Arthur said as they were slowly making their way back home.

"Yeah, tell me about it. We have to ask Gaius about that, but I'm sure there was something more in it than just nature." Merlin answered fidgeting with his wet neckerchief, managing only to make the knot even more tighter.

"Here, let me help." Arthur said when he watched Merlin's hopeless attempts of taking the neckerchief off. Merlin stopped and soon he felt Arthur's fingers brushing against his sensitive neck, making the small soft hairs sticking up of the sensation. He had to restrain himself because he wanted to lean back against the warm hands, but that of course wasn't appropriate. He wasn't used to feel another human being's hands against his skin, but he sure wanted to. Soon he was standing there with his wet neckerchief in his hands and staring at Arthur's lopsided smile. "Uh, thanks." Merlin managed to say and flashed a smile before continuing their journey. He could feel Arthur's eyes on his neck and he wondered was it as red as it felt? Because for some reason it was suddenly in fire and Merlin had to concentrate hard so he could forget the feeling of Arthur's hands on his skin.

Another half an hour of walking and suddenly Arthur stopped and shushed Merlin who was just telling about some of Gaius's new potion inventions. Merlin looked at him worriedly and saw the other man looking at every direction furiously, like he was looking for something.

"I heard something." Arthur whispered and Merlin too tried to see if anything was out of ordinary. And then he saw it, an ugly man with a bow behind a tree nearby. "Watch out!" He yelled as he pushed Arthur down and they heard an arrow flying above them.

"RUN!" They both yelled at the same time.

_Last Of The Heroes by Sturm Und Drang_

**youtu. be/T1EPS8hD96k**

We're wandering through the dark without a single spark,  
without a sign of day  
but still through saddest grey in all our hearts will stay  
the will to carry on

The fire that's deep inside me is burning on forever

We're the last of the heroes  
No we're never to fall  
We're the last of the heroes  
Till the end of the world

I'm walking through the cold without a light to hold  
But till the end I'll go  
And just like me you'll see that hope there'll always be  
As long as you believe

I know the fire that's deep inside you is burning on forever

We're the last of the heroes  
No we're never to fall  
We're the last of the heroes  
Till the end of the world

We're the last of the heroes  
No we're never to fall  
We're the last of the heroes  
Till the end of the world

We're the last of the heroes  
No we're never to fall  
We're the last of the heroes  
Till the end of the world


	3. Hold You Eternally Close To Mine

3. Hold you eternally close to mine

"Arthur, Arthur…" Merlin was mumbling half conscious, but without enough energy to form actual sentences or even open his eyes. Arthur had carried him in a small cave he had found and was now trying his best to make Merlin more comfortable. He had taken off the arrow from Merlin's upper arm and after throwing his chainmail off of him he ripped his own shirt now to make a bandage for the wound. Merlin looked awful, his face was gray and lips were blue, he was shaking all over maybe because of the still wet clothes, but also because of all the lost blood.

Arthur felt so hopeless, he had no idea what he should do. He couldn't possibly carry Merlin back in to Camelot, the journey was way too long for that. Merlin could not walk on his own, maybe even days. They had no food, no water, no fire, nothing. Their best chance was to wait for Arthur's men to find them, because surely they were already looking for him. But that could take days and Merlin needed Gaius's help as soon as possible.

Arthur scratched his hair in frustration and sat down on a log next to Merlin. He too was shaking because of all the wet clothes and as the sun had already set, the air was starting to get chilly. There was no point even trying to light a fire though, because all the wood outside was wet after the storm before. Arthur closed his eyes and sighed deeply, he let his body relax and his mind to wander. His head was full of questions and chaos, but the biggest question mark forming was Merlin's magic. He had seen and _felt_ Merlin using magic earlier, when he saved them both from the bandits even though he was badly wounded. Arthur of course had been surprised, but at the same time he hadn't thought about it at all, he just grabbed Merlin on his shoulders to take him somewhere safe. And right now his head was aching way too much to think about the matter either, so he pushed that question mark farther behind so he could just ignore it. He should concentrate his energy on saving them both right now, he could deal with the magic stuff later.

Arthur must have fell asleep, because the next time he opened his eyes the cave was so dark he couldn't see a thing at first. For a moment he panicked, but then made himself to calm down so he could think properly. The first thing he realized was that everything was quiet, he didn't hear Merlin's breathing or rattling teeth anymore and soon his body was in a panic mode again. In the dark he felt his way to Merlin and tried to feel a pulse on his neck. It was difficult though, because his own pulse was quick and his fingers were trembling, but he let out small puffs of air and tried to concentrate hard. He had to try many times, but at last he felt very small pulse under his fingers and he let out the breath he had been holding. Merlin was still barely alive, but he had to get him back to Camelot and the sooner the better.

He crawled out of the cave in to the cold night air and inhaled heavily few times. He felt horrible, his clothes were now damp, his stomach was rumbling and his mouth was dry, but all he could think was that Merlin must feel about ten thousand times more awful. Luckily he was still unconscious, so Arthur could try to focus on their saving. And right then he heard it, someone yelling farther away. He quickly jumped back in the cave and observed the situation from there, he was so worried the remaining bandits were back and that would be their end for sure. Slowly he reached for his sword and without almost breathing at all he tried to see every slightest of movements in the pitch black forest, but there was absolutely nothing. For a moment he thought maybe he had only been imagining, but then he heard footsteps very near the cave they were hiding in. He held his breath and wished Merlin wouldn't wake up right now. The footsteps got nearer, passing the cave and in just seconds he could see for whom the feet belonged to… It was a Camelot knight!

"Thank God!" He breathed out and crawled out of the cave again, calling the knight to stop. After a quick briefing the knight nodded and walked back to get his horse he had tied on a tree. Arthur went to get Merlin and carried him outside, where together they got him on the back of the horse and started walking back to Camelot. Soon Arthur was left to walk alone though, because the knight had to go search for the rest of the knights to inform them about the finding of their King.

_A Million Nights by Sturm Und Drang_

**youtu. be/jvb_IM8sliE**

So many darkened days have passed  
So many lonely nights I've had to last  
Distance to light and happiness  
Feels infinite, I couldn't joy in this less

Closing my eyes I can see your face  
But the feeling of warmth is long gone

I would fly, leave this solitude far behind  
Hold you eternally close to mine  
Get away from these million nights of winter  
I would, if I only could

Trying to cope with how it is  
Till one day I'll feel joy and nothing of this  
Though with my mind that is frozen by this cold  
I can still recall what you are to hold

I close my eyes and I wait for when  
The feeling of warmth will return

I would fly, leave this solitude far behind  
Hold you eternally close to mine  
Get away from these million nights of winter  
I would, if I only could

I would fly, leave this solitude far behind  
Hold you eternally close to mine  
Get away from these million nights of winter  
I would, if I only could

I would fly, leave this solitude far behind  
Hold you eternally close to mine  
Get away from these million nights of winter  
I would, if I only could


	4. Powerless

4. Powerless

When Arthur finally arrived back to Camelot, his feet felt like stone pillars he had to move on and on without no option of stopping. Merlin was still unconscious on top of the horse, hanging over its neck. The moment they stepped inside the gates guards were running from every direction to help their King. "Just take the horse and go get Gaius." Arthur informed them briefly and then turned to take Merlin down from the back of the horse. Although he was totally exhausted and wanted nothing more than to go to sleep, he wanted to take care of Merlin and be sure he would be treated properly. With Merlin on his lap he walked inside the castle and straight to his own chambers where he carefully laid Merlin down on his bed. Gaius was there in the same minute a little out of breath after running the long stairs up to the King's chambers.

"How is he? What's happened?" He spoke up immediately, grabbing a chair and sitting next to Merlin so he could examine him.

"We were attacked in the woods and he got shot on his left arm as you can see." Arthur answered pointing at the badly tied bloody bandage. "He has been unconscious since then and I don't know why." He added with suppressed voice, like it pained him that he couldn't do anything, but to watch his servant's bad condition.

Arthur changed clean clothes while Gaius kept taking care of Merlin's injured arm. He had dozens of different kind of bottles with him, full of some potions Arthur had no idea what they were. When he came to sit next to Gaius, the old man finally remembered there was someone else in the room also, he had been so concentrated on treating Merlin that Arthur's presence was long forgotten. With a little jump he made room for Arthur too, starting to explain what he had done to his servant. Arthur listened carefully and nodded every once in a while, but after Gaius had finished he asked the question that had been bothering him the most. "Will he survive?"

Gaius was silent for a moment after turning his wrinkled eyes towards Arthur. "I'm not sure, Sire. He has lost a lot of blood and the wound is infected. He has fever and his body is exhausted and dehydrated. I hope for the best, but…" Gaius shook his head in despair and lowered his gaze to the ground. After a deep sigh he started to get up to gather his collection of bottles back in the bag he had with him. "I've done all I can for now, I'll just ask the guards to carry him to our chambers…" "No!." Arthur shouted before he could stop himself. "I mean… He has been through a lot already, I think it's better to just let him rest and this bed is as good as any." He stammered and Gaius looked him questioningly. "Right… Well, then… I'll be going now, but be sure to call me over if there's any change in his condition. And remember to try to get him drink some water because of the dehydration." Gaius spoke after he had recovered from Arthur's outburst. Arthur nodded and with that Gaius left the chambers, giving last worried look over Merlin's motionless body.

After Gaius had left Arthur started pacing over the room nervously. He wanted to sleep, but Merlin was in his bed. He wanted to get Merlin to wake up, but then again he didn't. What would he say to him? Would he remember anything? Should he say about the magic? He was so lost in thought that he didn't even hear Merlin mumbling something incoherently.

He finally stopped his pacing when he could hear someone calling his own name.

"Arthur…" It was quiet, but it definitely came out of Merlin's mouth so Arthur rushed next to the bed and grabbed Merlin's hand in his by instinct. He of course let go of the hand immediately when he realized what he had just done, but instead tried to gently shake Merlin awake.

"Where am I…? What happened….? Merlin was mumbling quietly, trying to open his eyes carefully. Arthur let out a breath in relief.

"We're back in Camelot, you were wounded but you're in a good care now, don't worry."

"But… But how did we escape…? I remember the bandits everywhere, one was just killing you… How…"

"You used magic, Merlin." Arthur answered without looking at him. He decided it was better to just speak about the matter as soon as possible, to take it off from his heart.

Merlin stayed silent, so after a while Arthur had to lift his chin up to check if he had went unconscious again. But Merlin's clear blue eyes welcomed his own and he clearly was totally in his right mind now. He didn't talk anything though and Arthur felt a little bit uncomfortable. The brave and noble King he was though he kept his gaze and waited for Merlin to answer something, anything.

"I, uh… Yeah, I remember that…" Merlin finally said in a very small voice, his gaze dropping on his hands which he was fidgeting on his lap nervously.

"So… The thing is, I don't actually know what to do with you right now." Arthur confessed honestly. Of course he couldn't order Merlin to be killed, he cared about him too much, not to mention all the times Merlin had saved his life like in the woods just the other day with magic. So killing was not an option. But then again, what other options did he have?

Merlin stayed silent, but when Arthur stealthily watched his face it was striped with silent tears.

"Merlin… I think I have no other option but to banish you from Camelot…" Arthur then said quietly, trying to suffocate every feeling from the sentence. He could hear Merlin taking a shaky intake of breath and Arthur's heart lost a piece right then. It hurt like hell and if hearing Merlin's desperation felt this bad, he wasn't sure he wanted to see it right now, so he kept his gaze steadily on the ground.

"Right… I'll just… I go get my stuff and leave…" Merlin spoke quietly, trying to get up from the bed. "No, no, not now you idiot!" Arthur jumped up to push Merlin gently back in the bed. "You're far too weak and barely alive right now, you need to rest first." He continued with his heart racing because of the sudden adrenaline rush, misery and all the mixed feelings he was feeling right now. Merlin's face was so lifeless, even though it had gained some colour back after Gaius's treatment. His eyes were almost black, although normally they were deep blue. There was no other emotion to be seen from the face, but total, complete hurt, pain and despair.

"I'm… I'm sorry, Merlin." Arthur said and tried to swallow the lump from his throat back down.

"No, Arthur… _I'm_ sorry. I just want you to know… I didn't choose this. I didn't choose magic, it chose me. And I would _never_ use it to hurt you, I lo- care about you too much." Merlin said with a shaky voice, like he was holding back tears.

Arthur was feeling way too emotional to answer anything, so he just nodded and turned away.

"By the way, you should try to drink some water, there's a glass on the table beside you." He said after he could be sure he got his voice back. "And try to sleep now, your body needs rest."

Merlin reached for the water glass, drank it empty and closed his eyes again. "Where are you going to sleep?" He then asked when he realized he was occupying half of the giant bed that belonged to his King.

"I… Um, there beside you if that's ok with you?" Arthur turned to face Merlin again with an apologetic face. "Someone needs to look after you anyway now so I couldn't possibly leave you here alone." He continued with a shrug. Merlin answered with a silent "ok" and took a good position so he could sleep. Soon he could feel Arthur's weight on the other side of the bed and despite of all the misery he was feeling right now both physically and mentally, the thought of sharing a bed with Arthur even this one night felt somehow so nice, so familiar, so _right_, that he soon fell asleep feeling his body and mind content.

_Powerless by Linkin Park_

**youtu. be/AhhXTeWGYLE**

You hid your skeletons  
when I had shown you mine  
you woke the devil that  
I thought you left behind  
I saw the evidence  
the crimson soaking through  
ten thousand promises  
ten thousand ways to lose

And you held it all  
but you were careless to let it fall  
you held it all  
and I was by your side  
powerless

I watched you fall apart  
chased you to the end  
I'm left with emptiness  
the words cannot defend  
you'll never know what  
I became because of you  
ten thousand promises  
ten thousand ways to lose

And you held it all  
but you were careless to let it fall  
you held it all  
and I was by your side  
powerless

And you held it all  
but you were careless to let it fall  
you held it all  
and I was by your side  
powerless

powerless

powerless


	5. I Will Bleed Till The Death Of My Soul

5. I will bleed till the death of my soul

Surprisingly Arthur fell asleep almost the same moment he lowered his head on the pillow, although the insides of his head were a complete mess and chaos. It might've been because of the horrible exhaustion his body had suffered, but also because of Merlin's even calm breathing next to him that helped him to feel so serene and fall asleep almost immediately. He finally woke up when the sun rays were burning his face and blinding his vision, because no one had closed the curtains since Merlin wasn't obviously in any state of doing his normal chores.

Arthur turned on his back to escape the sun light which painfully meant a new day and seeing miserable Merlin again. The mere thought of that caused a deep sigh escape from his lips, but still he glanced over at his manservant who was still in deep sleep next to him. He was turned on his right side so Arthur could see his face that was bathing in the morning sun. There was no sign of the yesterday's sad conversation they had, no sign of hurt or agony. Actually he looked really beautiful with those long lashes, full lips and messy black hair, Arthur thought.

He couldn't stop staring at Merlin, even though he started to feel like a dirty stalker. He had to fight the urge to touch that beautiful face, Merlin looked so young and innocent that it almost hurt to look at him. He didn't have a shirt after Gaius had treated him and his exposed flesh was now there for Arthur to admire, the blanket above him had fallen lower and was only covering his lower body.

The bandage on Merlin's arm was bloody again, the wound wasn't obviously totally closed yet and Merlin was still losing blood. Arthur felt worry about Merlin and he felt like a mother hen who wanted to take care of her kids the best as possible. Merlin moved in his sleep and for a second Arthur was alarmed if he woke up now and would first see Arthur staring at him. But he didn't wake up, but turned on his back, so now his bare chest was teasing Arthur's eyes who had to inhale deeply.

Arthur had never thought he could be interested in a man, but Merlin was too pretty to not to admire. Jesus, that flat stomach, pink nipples and slightly hairy chest… How could you not be mesmerized about that? Not to talk about the bony shoulders, slender arms which clearly held some muscles in there also… Arthur's gaze was wondering everywhere on that body and stopped when reaching the line of Merlin's pants. They had dropped quite low and were exposing the flesh under Merlin's navel, just where there was some hair to be seen… For some reason Arthur felt his cock giving a twitch in his own pants and he was startled. Was he getting _aroused_, because of _Merlin_?

He was horrified. He had never thought he'd want another man that way, ever in his life. But here he was, staring at Merlin's gorgeous body cock itching in his pants. Finally he had to move his eyes from the body or soon he would be in trouble. He wouldn't want Merlin to wake up seeing him jerking off next to him… Because of him!

He took few deep breaths and lied on his back, trying to think something else. Like his rumbling stomach since he hadn't eaten since… long time! He decided to get up and go get some breakfast for the both of them.

_Indian by Sturm Und Drang_

**youtu. be/gpX_FcgilP0**

Maybe one day in a place without time, without space  
I can look back and see that I am finally whole  
Dying to undo the moment when all fell apart  
Trying to fade out what's real is not for a life

One brief moment brought agony blackened my heart  
No light for me, no way out, I'm next in line  
Never ever, in this life I'll never find peace  
Digging my own grave, I'm shot down in flames

You were my guardian angel, you saved me all times  
But angels will fall burning, all candles have burned out  
There is one way to escape but worse things will await  
I'll let him take me, eternity will pay my price

One brief moment brought agony blackened my heart  
No light for me, no way out, I'm next in line  
Never ever, in this life I'll never find peace  
Digging my own grave, I'm shot down in flames

Maybe one day in a place without time, without space  
I can look back and see that I am finally whole  
That's what I hoped but now I don't believe anymore  
My wounds won't heal, I will bleed till the death of my soul

One brief moment brought agony blackened my heart  
No light for me, no way out, I'm next in line  
Never ever, in this life I'll never find peace  
Digging my own grave, I'm shot down in flames


	6. Destiny

6. Destiny

When Arthur came back from the Royal kitchen he saw that Merlin was finally awake, gulping some water that had been waiting on the nightstand. Their eyes locked for a brief moment, but Merlin quickly averted his gaze like the moment had burned his vision.

"I got you some breakfast, here." Arthur walked by the bed and offered some ham and bread from the plate which Merlin took gratefully. Silence fell upon them again and Arthur went to sit by the table to eat his own piece of bread. Neither one did know what they should say and the silence started to become slightly awkward. Usually they would be bickering and bantering playfully, but right now there was no place for that. Instead Merlin quickly ate what he was offered and started to get up. "I think I'll go now. Thanks for everything, really." He seemed a bit nervous, but determined when he climbed out of the bed and tried to find his shirt.

"Are you sure you're recovered enough yet?" Arthur glanced at him worried, but Merlin was already tucking the shirt on him which appeared to be more difficult than he had thought with his injured arm. Soon he was stuck inside the shirt and couldn't get it on or off anymore so Arthur went to help him.

After short struggle the shirt was on and Merlin started walking towards the door, but before he could reach it he swayed dangerously and Arthur grabbed him before he fell down.

"S-sorry… I feel dizzy…" He explained while leaning against Arthur's chest, his strong arms around his skinny body. "I got you, just relax and breathe." Arthur advised while fighting the strong urge to kiss Merlin's neck before him. "You feel any better?" He asked when Merlin carefully tried to stand on his own feet again. "Yeah, I think so, thanks…" Merlin answered blushing slightly at the accidental body contact.

"I'll walk you back to your chambers, come with me." Arthur said still keeping his other hand around Merlin's waist, already missing the feeling of the other man in his arms. He wanted to kick himself for even thinking things like that, but he just couldn't help himself. Did he have a crush on Merlin? What were these strange feelings towards Merlin? Why now? He was so confused and he just wanted to get away from his servant so he could be alone and just think.

When they got to the door that led to the chambers that belonged to Gaius and Merlin, they stopped in unison without either one even saying anything. Merlin leaned against the cold stone wall. "So… This is it then. I'll just gather all my stuff and I'm going to leave tomorrow morning if I only can. Because of my arm, I mean…"

"Yes, of course. No hurry, really, just take your time ok?" Arthur said and felt the lump from yesterday starting to rise up on his throat again. He swallowed and tried to force it back down.

"Where are you going anyway?"

"Back to my mom, to Ealdor. She'll be happy though." Merlin forced a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

"Right, I guessed as much. Anyway, I wish you all the luck in your life, Merlin. It was a pleasure to know you. Well, not so much pleasure at all times, but anyway, you know what I mean." He too flashed a small smile to his ex-servant who granted him with a similar one.

"Oh and by the way, take your horse with you. It likes you anyway."

"Thanks, Arthur. That's really nice of you." Merlin said and now his eyes started to look watery.

"Ok, so… Goodbye, Merlin." Arthur said and quickly massaged Merlin's shoulder. Merlin glanced at his hand, then at Arthur who just couldn't help himself anymore and grabbed Merlin in a hug which he eagerly returned.

_Destiny by Stratovarius_

**youtu. be/fNXiaUqZCVw**

The times are changing so fast, I wonder how long it lasts. The clock is ticking time is running out. The hatred fills this Earth and for what is worth, we're in the end before we know.

Throughout the years I have struggled to find the answer that I never knew. It strucked me like a million lightnings and here I am telling to you.

Every second of day it is coming your way, future unknown is here to stay. Got to open your mind or you will be led to astray.

There's a time to live, there's a time to die. But no one can't escape the Destiny.

Look all the things we've done, under the burning sun. Is this the way to carry on? So take a look at yourself and tell me what do you see. A wolf in clothes of the lamb?

Throughout the years I have struggled to find the answer that I never knew. It strucked me like a million lightnings and here I am telling to you.

Every second of day it is coming your way, future unknown is here to stay. Got to open your mind or you will be led to astray.

Let your spirit free, through window of your mind.  
Unchain your soul from hate, all you need is faith.  
I control my Life, I am the One.  
You control your Life but don't forget Your Destiny...

It's time to say goodbye, I know it will make you cry. You make your destiny. I know you'll find the way.

And outside the Sun is bright. The things will be allright. I will be back one day to you. So please wait for me


	7. Just How Perfect You Are

7. Just how perfect you are

The day turned in to a night and the night turned in to a new day, but Arthur barely registered the sun and the moon at all. Everything was hazy in his head and being alone didn't help him like he had thought it would. Instead he felt like he was going crazy, trying to remember to bathe and eat and drink.

He had of course got a new manservant for himself, but most of the times he just dismissed him so he could be alone. That was why his chambers had slowly but steadily become a total mess, clothes lying everywhere, bed open with sheets rumpled and old pieces of food filling the big wooden table in the middle of the room.

It had been two days since Merlin left, well left Arthur's chambers anyway. Arthur hadn't been in contact with anyone so he had no idea if Merlin was still in Camelot or if he had travelled to Ealdor already. Arthur was feeling miserable, trying to get used to this new feeling of Merlin not being around calling him names and just being the clumsy adorable idiot he was. After all, they had been together for several years already, the servant and his Prince, later being the King of Camelot when his father died. They had experienced so many adventures together, they had been near death more times than you had fingers to count, they had saved each other's lives hundreds of times and now it all had come to an end. But most of all Arthur just missed Merlin's presence, witty comments and remarks, honesty and loyalty. Arthur missed the passion Merlin had with everything he did, the desire to walk beside Arthur to the ends of the world. Arthur missed his servant's blue eyes that were like an ocean where you could drown yourself in to if you let, almost be able to see Merlin's very soul when looking at those beautiful eyes.

"This has to stop." Arthur mumbled aloud and shook his head. He finally decided to take a hold of himself again, he was the King of Camelot after all and had plenty of duties to take care of. He couldn't possibly stay in his chambers forever. First of all he called his new servant Elric to clean his room and polish his armor. He would be going to practice with his knights later, but first he went to the throne room where the dinner was set for him already.

It was late in the evening when Arthur finally came back in to his chambers, which was now cleaned and the bed was made and the table hold some bread and cheese and wine. He gulped a whole goblet of wine and poured some more. He had noticed that training was a good way to keep his mind off of Merlin and he had been training maybe more than would've been really necessary. Body aching and muscles burning he unwrapped himself from the heavy chainmail even though it took forever, but he didn't want Elric around if it could be avoided. He then fell down on the bed after he had gulped the second goblet of wine and again thoughts he had tried to avoid the whole day started to bounce inside his head. Sighing miserably he got up again to drink some more wine and when the bottle was emptied after some time and his head was spinning because of the alcohol, he let himself fall asleep on the bed, without a single thought of anything.

The next day Arthur slept quite long, the sun was already high on the sky when he slowly opened his eyes and got up from the bed. Walking along one of the long corridors of the castle going to the throne room for breakfast, he saw Gaius ahead of him and called out for him.

"Gaius! Wait a minute!" The old man turned around and smiled when recognized the face that was calling for him.

"Good morning, Sire. I hope you slept well." He bowed slightly at his King.

"Very good actually, thank you. I was just wondering… How is Merlin? Is he still in Camelot?"

Gaius's smile faltered a little when he answered.

"He is quite fine, Sire. Well, was at least the last time I saw him… He left to Ealdor yesterday morning and I haven't heard of him since then."

"Right, ok. How about his arm?" Arthur continued his interrogation worriedly, but tried to sound casual.

"Quite fine, Sire. I fear… The broken heart will take more time to recover than the wound on his arm…" And Arthur could feel how the old man's eyes bore in to his own, like trying to see through him. For a moment he just opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water, but soon collected himself again.

"But he was using magic! I had no other choice, Gaius. Surely he told you this?" And when the other man had nodded he continued.

"I can't make exceptions, the law is law. I should've killed him you know that, but I just couldn't…" And he had to swallow, because he could feel the familiar lump forming in his throat again. When he didn't or couldn't continue more, Gaius spoke up.

"I understand your decision, Sire, but it doesn't change the fact that Merlin is devastated and I could guess you miss him too, am I right?"

"Well yeah, I do miss him…" But then Arthur realized what he was talking about and with whom and he shut up.

"Anyway, I need to be going. Thank you for the information, Gaius." And with that he strutted to the throne room as quickly as he could without making his heart race any harder in his chest.

_Honeythief by Halou_

**youtu. be/kXA7DAVnRew**

Sometimes I doubt the path I chose  
Sometimes my dreams feel all on hold  
There's no doubt that this will make me strong  
Because it's the hardest thing I've ever done

Despite this cruel world  
And all my best efforts  
You surprise me with just how perfect you are

Even with all my flaws  
And my bad examples  
You surprise me with  
Just how perfect you are

And when I'm lost  
You search for me  
And when I doubt  
You're my belief

I'm suppose to be  
The stronger one  
You always seem  
To prove that theory wrong

Still, I hold my breath each time you go  
Out in the world that's beyond my control  
If you are dreaming  
I never want to wake you up

When I'm all in a spin  
Full of cynicism  
You remind me of just how perfect you are

When I'm at my wit's end  
And I'm losing my head  
You remind me of just how lucky I am


	8. Years Go By

8. Years Go By

Two weeks had passed since Merlin had arrived in Ealdor. Like he had guessed his mother was more than happy to have him back, but of course she was also sorry for Merlin since this was not what he had wanted. Merlin was spending his time helping Hunith, but also the other villagers with everything he only could. Since he could use magic and in Ealdor everyone had knew about it since he had been a little kid, he was quite much help in many things. One job he had done only yesterday for example, was lifting heavy logs for men who were building a new house, a job that would've taken forever by hands, but which was easy and quick with the help of Merlin's magic.

Although Merlin spent hours a day telling everything about Camelot and his adventures with their King Arthur Pendragon while serving him, to the people in Ealdor who wanted to know everything about his past life, he still felt himself lonely. He loved talking with his mother too, but still that disturbing feeling of loneliness haunted him. Since his best friend Will had died some years ago in a battle while defending the village, Merlin was left with mostly quite much younger kids of the village than himself. Although he loved playing with them, he still longed someone his own age to talk to, but there were none in the small village of Ealdor. So Merlin often withdrew himself of the stir of the village to spend some time alone by a nearby lake. There he would be sitting for hours under a shadow of a tree, thinking about Arthur and what he was doing right now, thinking would he be missing him like he missed him, thinking would they ever see each other again.

This was one of those moments and frustrated as he was about his situation, he tossed some stones in the water just to have something to do. Alongside missing the prat King of Camelot, he also missed Gaius and Gwen, also the knights like Gwaine and Percival. They were his friends even though they liked to do many pranks for him, but it was all in a good spirit and just for the laughs. Merlin stood up and left the quiet lake again to go help his mother make dinner, the sun was already setting and he knew Hunith missed him already.

They had just eaten their roasted chicken and vegetables when there was a knock on the door. They glanced at each other questioningly, and when Merlin just shrugged Hunith went to open the door of their little hut.

"Good day, ma'am. I am here to deliver a letter for mister Merlin from the King of Camelot Arthur Pendragon. I was told he could be found here?" A man in armor bowed and gave a letter to Hunith.

"Yes indeed he is here." She answered slightly taken aback and turned her gaze from the letter to Merlin who dropped his fork and dived to get the letter.

"Thank you!" He shouted out while already going in to his little room to read the letter in peace and quiet.

"Sir! I was also informed to wait in case you are willing to write back to the King?"

"Yes, of course. Mom, could you give him something to drink? I'll just… Be reading this, just a moment please." And then Merlin was gone in his room and Hunith was left with the messenger who bowed low again.

_To Merlin,_

_I have no idea why I am writing this to you right now, but I guess it has something to do with the fact that I might care about you, despite the resent events._

_I would just like to know how are you? How is your arm? How is your mom? Please say my greetings to her, she's such a lovely woman and has raised her son well._

_And talking about her son… I have to say that I am missing you, Merlin. I would've never thought I'd say this aloud, but yes it's true._

_But I also hope you understand that I had no other choice for what I did and that's why I guess I'm writing this now. Because I never wanted you to go away, but I can't change the law in one night without a proper reason, the people of Camelot would protest, they wouldn't understand the sudden change of my opinion._

_But I do care about you, Merlin, and I hope you're allright there. And if you want to write me back the messenger will wait, although I totally understand if you do not wish to contact me ever again._

_I also wanted to tell you something I just found out myself few days ago. The bandits that attacked us were actually no bandits at all, but spies of another Kingdom that we now fear is planning an attack against Camelot. So you didn't just save me with your magic back in the woods, but the future of Camelot since the Kingdom still has a leader… Thank you, Merlin, for everything you've done. Don't think I don't appreciate the things you've done for me, because I do._

_-Arthur Pendragon_

Merlin's hands were shaking, Arthur had just confessed _missing him _and _caring about him_! His heart was racing and he reached at the drawer beside his bed and took out a quill and an old parchment. He calmed down for few minutes and started to write when his hands stopped shaking.

_To the prat King of Camelot, Arthur Pendragon,_

_nice to hear you are missing me and you appreciate the things I've done, it really means a lot to me. Does the appreciation also mean my cleaning and polishing and all the other work I've done for you? Or is this only about the life saving matters? Because right now I'm serving someone who does appreciate the things I do. Yes, my mom. And I can tell you it feels really nice for a change to hear some compliments about the things you do… Also, people here know about my magic and they appreciate it, I can do lots of good things with it, because I would never use it to anything bad, I hope you know that._

_And I'm feeling quite well, thanks for asking. A bit lonely though, but otherwise just fine. My arm is almost totally healed by now, I'm going to have quite a nice scar there. Hunith is fine too, she's very glad having me here._

_I do hope there is no attack towards Camelot, I still feel it's my home after all… But if there is, be prepared well and I know there is no problem defending it with you as the leader. Please take care of Gaius and tell him I miss him. Thank you for writing me, it certainly lightened up my day._

_Yours, Merlin._

With still shaky hands Merlin took the letter for the messenger who was just sipping some tea by the table. For the rest of the evening Merlin was all smile and that made Hunith smile as well, she knew just how much Arthur and Merlin cared about each other even though they hardly said that aloud.

_Years Go By by Stratovarius_

**youtu. be/nlca1DbvIsU**

Look around do you see  
So many things have changed  
And you should know by now  
I never meant to hurt you at all  
All my life I have been an outcast  
But now I've been reborn  
And I see things so clear

Open your eyes and realize  
Hard times are over if you want  
Open your mind  
Reach for the stars  
Answer is there for us to find

Years go by  
Never know when it's too late  
Years go by  
Yourself you seal your fate  
Don't look the answer from horizon  
It's closer than you think  
Years go by, oh how they go by

Years go by  
Never know when it's too late  
Years go by  
Yourself you seal your fate  
Don't look the answer from horizon  
It's closer than you think  
Years go by


End file.
